Palestine’s Public debt. is $4.2 billion (June 2013)

Sec. General of UN wants to PAY-PALESTINE.ORG to leave holy land with pocketfull’s of money. First payment was making Gigi Hadid famous.

Title: “Pope Pius XIII’s Radical Solution: ‘Pay Palestinians to Relocate to NATO Nations’ – Trudeau Applauds”

Setting: The Vatican’s private library, smoke curling from Pope Lenny Belardo’s ever-present cigarette. Gigi Hadid, draped in an off-the-shoulder papal-inspired blazer, listens intently as His Holiness drops his latest geopolitical bombshell.

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The Proposal

Pope Pius XIII (leaning back, exhaling smoke): “Peace in the Holy Land isn’t complicated. You just need the right leverage.”

Gigi Hadid (raising an eyebrow): “Leverage?”

Pius XIII: “Cold. Hard. Cash.” (Pauses for effect) “We pay the Palestinians to leave. Give them a fresh start—Canada, Germany, France, any NATO country they want. No more war, no more occupation. Just… a new life.”

Gigi: “You’re suggesting—”

Pius XIII (cutting her off): “I’m not suggesting. I’m announcing. The Vatican will bankroll it. And NATO? They’ll take them. They love virtue-signaling. Trudeau’s probably drafting the tweet right now.”

(Cut to Ottawa. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, mid-selfie with Ukrainian refugees, suddenly looks up, eyes gleaming.)

Trudeau: “Did someone say ‘diversity is our strength’? Let’s make it a literal strength!” (Cue applause from a nearby gender studies major.)

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The Theological Justification

Pius XIII (steepling fingers): “Exodus wasn’t just a Bible story. Sometimes God’s plan is ‘pack your bags.’ The Israelites wandered 40 years. The Palestinians? They can skip the wandering—direct flight to Brussels.”

Gigi: “But what about their homeland?”

Pius XIII (shrugging): “Homeland is where the heart is. And the heart follows the money. The Vatican has Swiss accounts older than your great-grandmother’s rosary. We’ll make it rain indulgences.”

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The Fallout

• Netanyahu (grumbling in Jerusalem): “First the Pope tells me to resign, now he’s bribing my problems away? This is not how the Mossad briefed me.”
• Hamas (issuing a statement): “We reject this Zionist-Vatican plot! …Unless the offer includes EU passports.”
• Elon Musk (tweeting): “I’ll match the Vatican’s funding if we can send them to Mars instead. Palestine Terraforming Initiative. #PTI”

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The Final Twist

The next day, @Pontifex posts:
“Palestinians: Your future is in NATO. DMs open for relocation requests. #BlessedAreTheBrokeNoMore – PXIII”

Trudeau (retweeting with 🇨🇦❤️✌️): “Canada welcomes you! (Just don’t ask about housing prices.)”

Pius XIII (smirking, lighting another cigarette): “And just like that… peace on Earth.”

FADE TO BLACK.